You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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