Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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