Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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