i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
