I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
