Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
