So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
