Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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