I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
PANTIES FOUND
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
