i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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