There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
