So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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