You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
