high people should be assigned attendants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
