If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
