uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
