apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
