Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
