non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
