i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
