theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
