my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
