I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I did not marry a roomba.
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