just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
