They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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