I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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