i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
