Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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