Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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