I met the friendliest cop last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
