allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
