Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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