dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
