so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
