When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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