shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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