u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
