i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
