walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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