I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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