The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
