Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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