im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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