This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
