My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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