in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
