everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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