have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
