i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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