he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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