she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And then he peed in my hair
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