Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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