Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
