Soap is not a condiment
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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