I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
