It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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