I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
