So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
