Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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