That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you win again, gameday.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
