I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
