So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
