I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
