jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
